The Day Brown Died... May 1st 2013

Brown died on May 1st 2013.... it was a very sad day, mostly because it was unexpected. Brown had been drooling lots and lots, more than normal. I thought maybe he had something stuck somewhere, somewhere it shouldn't have been. So on the Wednesday Morning I took him to the vet.

I wasn't prepared for what was to come.....

This is what happened (as far as I can recall)

Vet Shane put on a glove and pried into Browns mouth, looking for something... anything.

Nothing

Vet Shane said he would like to do x-rays to see if there was something stuck further down.

The result was this......

Brown had an extended stomach, on the verge of twisting because of too much gas in there. He gave me 2 options.....

Option 1

He could put a tube down his throat into his stomach and try to let the gas out. It would be uncomfortable for Brown, and it may or may not work.  In fact he said that if it did work at the time it didn't mean it would be a fix..... He might be in the same situation a day or two later.... which would lead into Option 2

Option 2

Surgery..... To fix it. An old Brown Dog under surgery wasn't an option.... plus it would set me back $5000 or so

You see.... Brown was full of lumps and bumps and had a bad back and found it hard to walk up the stairs.  So after much thinking....

I chose my own option, #3

Brown had a great life, and it was time for it to end when he was still happy and comfortable. Oh he was such a great Brown, in the time I had to think about, it all the memories came flooding back.

He was such a clever Brown, and such a thief :)

Anyway..... after Vet Shane told me what would happen I was at peace, knowing that Brown would soon be too.  He explained everything to me about what would happen and how and when. The lovely nurse Holly explained the cremation options and how it would all work.

I took this last photo of Brown while he was in his forever sleeping place

And now Brown is resting peacefully here.....

Goodbye Coooper.... I'll never forget all the times we shared.  You really were THE BEST BROWN DOG EVER!

Other People's Blogs

Sometimes I read other people's blogs.

Sometimes I don't.

These are some of the reasons why sometimes I don't read other people's blogs:

I forget. Sometimes people tell me about blogs that I should read, and so I read them. And then even if I find them mostly funny and think 'yep, this is a mostly funny blog, I should keep reading it' I forget to bookmark it or add it to my favourites.  I normally forget because when I read other people's blogs I am usually at work but instead of working I am reading other people's blogs. And then someone interrupts and asks me a question relating to work so I have to answer the question. Quite often it's not a simple question so I have to make sure I don't just give a simple answer. So by the time the question is sufficiently answered I have forgotten about the other persons blog I was reading...... highly frustrating.

They are boring. Some people's blogs are really really really boring, really boring. Which lead me to think about my blog. I wonder if people find my stories about Brown and Orange boring. Then I realised that if you find my stories about Brown and Orange boring then you are probably boring and have some issues and shit that you need to sort out. I'm not a psychologist so I can't help you with that. Although I can offer one piece of advise:

Be less boring.

But just in case people do find my stories about Brown and Orange boring I have decided after my year long hiatus to expand my blog and include other things.... like writing about other people's blogs.

This is what makes a good blog:

It has to be mostly funny

That's about it, I'm not overly picky.

These are some blogs that I do remember to read, 3 exactly:

www.toothpastefordinner.com
www.nataliedee.com
www.theoatmeal.com

They all have two common themes:

They are mostly funny
They have drawings

Drawings in blogs are important, especially if they are mostly funny drawings. I would like to add drawings to my blog except there is a problem.....

I CAN'T DRAW WORTH SHIT

If I could draw worth shit I would be a drawer, not a writer. But since I've said that drawings in blogs are important I feel that I should include a drawing. So I drew this:

This is a drawing of my favourite time. It is my favourite time because:

They are all odd numbers. I prefer odd numbers to even numbers
This is a time when I am mostly awake in both the am and the pm every day

I wanted to make it a mostly funny drawing. This is a mostly funny drawing because:

It's in colour
It's not in the exact middle of the whiteboard
It's slightly off centre

So there you have it. My blog about other people's blogs is complete..... for now.  Perhaps I will stick to adding photos instead. Because photos are okay too.....

A QUICK RECAP OF 2012 - PART 3 Canada/man cave

Unless you were living in a cave last year you would know that I went to Canada for 5 weeks. I love Canada.... it really is great!

If you were living in a cave then you probably have some issues and shit that you need to sort out. I'm not a psychologist so I can't help you with that.

Although I can see how living in a cave might be nice sometimes.....

No wait, I just paused for exactly 7.3 seconds and realised that living in a cave would really really suck

This is why:

Bats

Spiders

Worms

Dead animal carcass's

Dead human carcass's

Enough said.....

Unless we are talking about the 'Man Cave'

The 'Man Cave' does actually exist, so I've been told by many of my female friends. Although never in the history of mankind has any female ever been allowed to enter the 'Man Cave' so no one except the men who claim to have a 'Man Cave' really know.

This is what (in my mind) a 'Man Cave' consists of:

Beer.... lots and lots and lots of beer. So much beer that 1/2 of the 'Man Cave' would be an enormous beer fridge. With kegs.

Girls.... lots and lots of girls, probably only just posters of girls, but still - lots of girls

Playstation.... or similar sort of gaming equipment so they can shoot people

Power tools.... lots and lots of them which may or may not ever be used

Comfy chair..... for drinking all that beer, looking at the girl posters while playing Playstation

Computer..... incase the Playstation breaks so they can still shoot people

Sound proofing.... so all the game playing & shooting won't be heard by wife/girlfriend. Also to protect the man from hearing the baby/kids screaming

Phone..... for ordering take away pizza when the wife/girlfriend has had enough and declines to cook dinner

Padlock on door..... because when the wife/girlfriend has had enough all she wants to do is shoot you

Perhaps I'm missing some things.....

Did I mention that I went to Canada last year? 

I love Canada, it really is great :)

A quick recap of 2012 - Part 2 - ORANGE

This is some more of what has happened in the past year......

Orange decided that she really really loved me lots, in the past year she has brought me exactly these special presents:

37 geckos (only 19 were fully eaten by her, the heads of the remainder were left for me to either accidentally step on in the middle of the night or to discard with great disgust)

4 enormous grasshoppers (all were eventually eaten by her)

1 mouse (thankfully fully eaten by her)

3 cockroaches (mostly eaten by her, Brown ate the remains)

1 hamburger patty from the neighbours next door (not sure how she got it, but she fully ate it without Brown knowing)

Cats are gross......

When Brown was sick Orange decided that it would be a good idea to take over his pillow and claim it as her own

I thought this was super cute. It meant that she loved Brown and was keeping his pillow warm for him.

Or so I thought.....

You see, Orange had other plans.

When Brown was well enough to walk up the stairs he wanted to lie down on his pillow but Orange had claimed it as her own. Brown wasn't super happy about this

But Brown being Brown decided it was ok to share.....

I thought this was really super cute, until I realised what Orange really had planned. Orange wanted to show Brown that she was now the Queen Of The Castle, that whatever she wants she gets. Until Brown got sick he was always the King Of The Castle - he is much bigger than her after all.

Her plan worked.....

A few days later I was sitting out on my front deck. I like sitting on my front deck, especially in summer because it is the coolest part of my house. Even when it is 38 degrees outside I sit on my front deck because there is always a lovely breeze that makes it feel like it is only 35 degrees. Inside my house in summer it feels like it is 159 billion degrees. Some nights I even think about dragging a bed outside so I can sleep on my front deck. But when it's 159 billion degrees inside the last thing I want to do is move a bed outside to sleep, so instead I just pretend I am sleeping on my front deck and eventually pass out from heat exhaustion. It seems to work.

Anyway.... a few days later I was sitting out on my front deck. Brown normally likes to lie outside with me because it is cooler than inside. Brown wasn't outside, he was inside. I went to investigate and this is what I found

You see, Orange had staked her claim as Queen Of The Castle and was doing what the Queen Of The Castle does.... guards her territory. Orange was blocking the door so Brown couldn't get outside. Brown was not very happy about this but didn't know what to do about it.

I watched for exactly 1.41 minutes while Brown did his tap dance and complained, he still didn't come outside.

Orange finally decided that Brown could come outside, perhaps she sensed that he was starting to go mental while sitting inside the 159 billion degree heat and was about to attack her to regain his King Of The Castle status......

Orange came over to Brown's pillow beside me, curled up and went to sleep. 

Oh Orange....... :)

A quick recap of 2012 - Part 1 - BROWN

After a year long hiatus, which I really can't explain because I really do love writing this blog, Brown Dog and his adventures (among other things) is back!

This is some of what has happened in the past year......

Brown decided it was a good idea to become a thief and stole exactly this:

2 loaves of 4 seed bread baked and bought from Woolies (fully eaten by him)
1 bag of 4 seed bread buns (6) baked and bought from Woolies (fully eaten by him)
1 lettuce (not eaten by him)
3 tomatoes (half of one was eaten by him)
1 kitchen knife (thankfully not eaten by him)
2 bananas (one eaten by him including the skin)
3 cans of Heinz baked beans (would have been eaten by him if he was able to open them)
1 eggplant (not eaten by him because he hates eggplant)
1 umbrella (not eaten by him, he's smart enough to know that umbrellas are not food)
1 carton of rice milk (partially drunk by him, he didn't much care for it)
219 Orange cat poops (he thinks they are special treats left just for him.... dogs are gross)
and many things I probably don't want know about.....

In May last year Brown got sick. I got home from work and opened the door and found him sleeping on his beanbag. This was not unusual, as he often sleeps on his beanbag. But usually when I walk in and say hi he leaps out of his beanbag and runs over to give me a big slobbery kiss, probably just after he ate Orange cat poop (dogs are gross).

On this day in May he didn't leap out of his beanbag.... because he could't stand up. I was super worried. I checked him all over for ticks and couldn't find any. I helped him stand up and tried to get him to walk upstairs, he couldn't walk up the stairs. I was super super worried. I wanted to take him to the vet, but the vet was closed so I had to take him to the vet the next morning.  This is what happened at the vet:

The vet checked him over and said there was something wrong. Something really wrong. I was super super super worried at this stage. The vet took x-rays and he showed them to me and explained that Brown had a bad back. 3 or 4 vertebrae had fused together making it hard for him to walk, it affected his back legs. The vet also showed me that Brown had an enormous poop inside of him wanting to come out. You see, Brown found it painful to squat so he had not pooped for a couple of days.

The vet gave Brown an injection of something that would make him feel better and told me that by the time I got home after work Brown should be lots better.  He said that I should notice 3 things:

Brown should leap out of his beanbag to give me a slobbery kiss when I get home
Brown should have eaten all of his food (and probably tried to steal more)
Brown should have done an enormous poop

When I got home from work I noticed 3 things:

Brown leapt out of his beanbag to give me a slobbery kiss
Brown had eaten all of his food (and probably stole something that I don't know about)
Brown had done not only 1, but 2 enormous poops

I was super happy!

Now Brown still has a bad back, but we manage it with some arthritis drugs and fish oil pills.  He likes the fish oil pills.... the thinks they are special treats. But Brown is pretty clever and even though I put the arthritis drugs in with his food every morning, I often find them on the floor beside his food bowl when I get home from work because he has spat them out.

So now I give Brown what I call a cheese sandwich..... cheese, a layer of pills, and more cheese. Just like this

Brown loves cheese, in fact I think spitting out his pills from his food bowl was his plan all along. Being a clever Brown, he knew that he could get more cheese sandwiches that way.

Oh Brown......  :)

Brown is Pretty Clever - Most of the Time

Brown is pretty clever..... most of the time.

But sometimes he get's it a little bit wrong......

Head goes on the pillow mate.  Head, not bum!

Ah Geez I love my Brown Dog.... He really is great!

Brown and Orange Go To The Vet - Every Year

If you have a dog or a cat you probably know all about the yearly trip to the Vet.  It is not fun.... ever! Last year when I took both Brown and Orange together to the Vet all by myself I swore I never would again.... ever!

Except a whole year had passed and I forgot how damn hard it was.  So this year I did it again. Bad idea.

This is why......


Orange hates going anywhere.  She is happy to stay at home and do Orange Cat things.  Things like catch mice and geckos and bring them to me as presents. Things like barfing in the hallway so when I get up to let her out at 2:31am I step in it. Things like climbing up the Christmas Tree and bringing it crashing down at 12:19am and scaring the shit out of me. As you may recall Orange is evil. Evil to the core. Though I still love her to bits.

Whenever I need to take Orange anywhere I always use 'The Cage'.  It is 'The Cage of Doom'. Orange hates 'The Cage of Doom' immensely. She hates it so much that she will go into hiding as soon as I bring it upstairs. Every time I try to get Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' she revolts. She revolts by biting and scratching me so bad that I almost need a blood transfusion.

Last year I tried to trick her..... it almost worked.  I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up a week before it was required. I thought I was clever by putting her food bowl into it. So each night I would feed her in 'The Cage of Doom', she was tentative at first. But by the end of the week she would happily go in and eat her food.  I thought she was now happy to enter 'The Cage of Doom'......

Except she wasn't......

You see, she was happy enough to eat out of it. But the morning I had to transport her in 'The Cage of Doom' to the Vet she was on to me. She smelt my own Conspiracy Theory!

The morning it was Vet day went bad..... really, really bad.  Orange smelt it, she somehow knew that on this day 'The Cage of Doom' would turn against her.  When I woke up Orange was nowhere to be seen. All the doors where closed so she was inside.... somewhere. I searched and searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more.  Brown helped me search as well.

We finally found her cowered behind the couch. A couch is heavy to move.... so I learnt.  After much maneuvering and rounding up I finally caught her.  Then the claws and teeth came out.  Lucky for me I had decided to wear protective clothing.... triple layer of long sleeves. That saved me.

After depositing Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' I successfully got Brown and Orange to the Vet.  Once there it was absolute CHAOS.  Trying to take a Big Brown Dog who wants to sniff and eat everything and a crazed Orange Cat in the 'Cage of Doom' together in a car - into the Vet where there are other dogs and cats..... Well lets just say that I needed lots of help. And many beers afterwards to forget the terror of it all. Anyway.....

After that I learnt a new trick.....


Simple.... do not try to trick Orange, EVER!  This year I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up the night before and hid it in the spare room.  When Orange woke me up at 2:31 to go outside I ignored her. When it was time to go to the vet I grabbed a sleepy Orange out of her cave, grabbed her front paws together before she knew what I was doing, threw her into 'The Cage of Doom' and locked the door.... Done!

Orange wasn't very happy... but I didn't give a crap.  I was happy!  No blood transfusion required. Simple... why didn't I think of this 10 years ago?

And Brown.... Well Brown is always happy to go anywhere in the car.....

Although he did slobber a lot.  And this year he needed a bit of blood to be tested.....

And because Brown was so good about it all, he got a special present of the good kind......

Orange went to hide in her cave.... and a bit latter on Brown was concerned, so he went to check on her

Clearly they are the best of friends.... and are most likely planning another Conspiracy Theory against me!