Brown is Pretty Clever - Most of the Time

Brown is pretty clever..... most of the time.

But sometimes he get's it a little bit wrong......

Head goes on the pillow mate.  Head, not bum!

Ah Geez I love my Brown Dog.... He really is great!

Brown and Orange Go To The Vet - Every Year

If you have a dog or a cat you probably know all about the yearly trip to the Vet.  It is not fun.... ever! Last year when I took both Brown and Orange together to the Vet all by myself I swore I never would again.... ever!

Except a whole year had passed and I forgot how damn hard it was.  So this year I did it again. Bad idea.

This is why......


Orange hates going anywhere.  She is happy to stay at home and do Orange Cat things.  Things like catch mice and geckos and bring them to me as presents. Things like barfing in the hallway so when I get up to let her out at 2:31am I step in it. Things like climbing up the Christmas Tree and bringing it crashing down at 12:19am and scaring the shit out of me. As you may recall Orange is evil. Evil to the core. Though I still love her to bits.

Whenever I need to take Orange anywhere I always use 'The Cage'.  It is 'The Cage of Doom'. Orange hates 'The Cage of Doom' immensely. She hates it so much that she will go into hiding as soon as I bring it upstairs. Every time I try to get Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' she revolts. She revolts by biting and scratching me so bad that I almost need a blood transfusion.

Last year I tried to trick her..... it almost worked.  I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up a week before it was required. I thought I was clever by putting her food bowl into it. So each night I would feed her in 'The Cage of Doom', she was tentative at first. But by the end of the week she would happily go in and eat her food.  I thought she was now happy to enter 'The Cage of Doom'......

Except she wasn't......

You see, she was happy enough to eat out of it. But the morning I had to transport her in 'The Cage of Doom' to the Vet she was on to me. She smelt my own Conspiracy Theory!

The morning it was Vet day went bad..... really, really bad.  Orange smelt it, she somehow knew that on this day 'The Cage of Doom' would turn against her.  When I woke up Orange was nowhere to be seen. All the doors where closed so she was inside.... somewhere. I searched and searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more.  Brown helped me search as well.

We finally found her cowered behind the couch. A couch is heavy to move.... so I learnt.  After much maneuvering and rounding up I finally caught her.  Then the claws and teeth came out.  Lucky for me I had decided to wear protective clothing.... triple layer of long sleeves. That saved me.

After depositing Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' I successfully got Brown and Orange to the Vet.  Once there it was absolute CHAOS.  Trying to take a Big Brown Dog who wants to sniff and eat everything and a crazed Orange Cat in the 'Cage of Doom' together in a car - into the Vet where there are other dogs and cats..... Well lets just say that I needed lots of help. And many beers afterwards to forget the terror of it all. Anyway.....

After that I learnt a new trick.....


Simple.... do not try to trick Orange, EVER!  This year I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up the night before and hid it in the spare room.  When Orange woke me up at 2:31 to go outside I ignored her. When it was time to go to the vet I grabbed a sleepy Orange out of her cave, grabbed her front paws together before she knew what I was doing, threw her into 'The Cage of Doom' and locked the door.... Done!

Orange wasn't very happy... but I didn't give a crap.  I was happy!  No blood transfusion required. Simple... why didn't I think of this 10 years ago?

And Brown.... Well Brown is always happy to go anywhere in the car.....

Although he did slobber a lot.  And this year he needed a bit of blood to be tested.....

And because Brown was so good about it all, he got a special present of the good kind......

Orange went to hide in her cave.... and a bit latter on Brown was concerned, so he went to check on her

Clearly they are the best of friends.... and are most likely planning another Conspiracy Theory against me!

I Was Almost Eaten by A Tiger! - August 13th

On August 13th I was almost eaten by a tiger!  Some friends and I decided to go on an excellent adventure.  I have great friends..... really, really great friends.  We like to do lots of fun things.  Things like going Go-Karting and to the Zoo.  On August 13th we did both.

Brown was sad because I told him he couldn't come along. He hasn't learnt to drive..... yet!

We spent the morning Go-Karting, it was a whole bunch of fun!

Then in the afternoon we went to Australia Zoo.  You may have heard of Steve Irwin.  He was an Australian bloke who did many many good things for animal conservation, and even opened a zoo. I had never been to this zoo before so was keen to check it out.

We saw many animals and had a great time.  When I got home Brown was super happy to see me.  Orange was in hiding doing Orange Cat things.... probably thinking of some way to get revenge on me for some reason.  I do love Orange, but as you may recall she is evil. Evil to the core.

I went out to the back yard and this is what I saw.....

A tiger!  What?  How did a tiger get into my back yard. Did it hitch a ride in my day pack?  It was about to eat me........  Arrggghhhhhh!

Then I realised it was just Orange trying to scare me.....

Phew!  I lived to see many more days.  And many more Conspiracy Theories!

Brown Loves 4 Seeds Bread - August 11th

You may recall that back in May Brown and Orange conspired against me for the 267th time.  Orange distracted me with a gecko head while Brown stole a six pack of 4 seed bread rolls. I learnt my lesson.... don't keep bread rolls in a bag on the floor next to the cupboard where Brown can get them, because he will.

On August 11th I bought a nice fresh loaf of 4 seeds bread.  You may recall that it is my favourite.  Clearly it is Browns favourite too.

This is what happened.....

It was a cold winters night.  Cold in Brisbane anyway, it was probably about 13 degrees. I was looking forward to having soup and cheese toast for dinner using the yummy 4 seeds bread I had just bought.  After grocery shopping this time I put all the groceries away.  The 4 seeds loaf of bread ended up on the bench top, well out of Browns reach.

Or so I thought.....

After taking Brown for a walk I must have become distracted. I don't think Orange distracted me with a gecko head this time, which is why it was not a Conspiracy Theory, it was all Browns doing.  I probably got distracted by a good book I was reading, or maybe the news.  I was getting a bit hungry so decided it was dinner time.

I checked on Brown and he was pretending to be asleep on the couch......

He reminded me of an old man having a nap.  I gave him a good pat, then went to make my dinner.  Only I realised that my new 4 seeds loaf of bread was no longer on the kitchen bench.  I was sure I put it there.  I searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more.  Brown helped me search as well.  He's pretty good at helping me search.

Then it dawned on me..... I put my shoes on and grabbed a torch.  I went downstairs and looked inside Browns house.

This is what I saw.......

The plastic bag that my 4 seeds loaf of bread had been in, and a couple of crumbs.  I looked at Brown, he looked at me.  I asked "Did you do this Brown?"  He dipped his head.... Guilty as charged!


Lessons Learnt.....

Brown is very clever!
Don't leave 4 seeds bread or rolls ANYWHERE Brown can find it.

From then on they go straight into the fridge.... Brown hasn't learnt how to open the fridge..... yet!

Brown Says Hello

It's been a while..... Brown says hello