But sometimes he get's it a little bit wrong......
Head goes on the pillow mate. Head, not bum!
Ah Geez I love my Brown Dog.... He really is great!
Brown Dog
Big and Brown
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Brown is Pretty Clever - Most of the Time
Brown is pretty clever..... most of the time.
But sometimes he get's it a little bit wrong......
Head goes on the pillow mate. Head, not bum!
Ah Geez I love my Brown Dog.... He really is great!
But sometimes he get's it a little bit wrong......
Head goes on the pillow mate. Head, not bum!
Ah Geez I love my Brown Dog.... He really is great!
Brown and Orange Go To The Vet - Every Year
If you have a dog or a cat you probably know all about the yearly trip to the Vet. It is not fun.... ever! Last year when I took both Brown and Orange together to the Vet all by myself I swore I never would again.... ever!
Except a whole year had passed and I forgot how damn hard it was. So this year I did it again. Bad idea.
This is why......
Orange hates going anywhere. She is happy to stay at home and do Orange Cat things. Things like catch mice and geckos and bring them to me as presents. Things like barfing in the hallway so when I get up to let her out at 2:31am I step in it. Things like climbing up the Christmas Tree and bringing it crashing down at 12:19am and scaring the shit out of me. As you may recall Orange is evil. Evil to the core. Though I still love her to bits.
Whenever I need to take Orange anywhere I always use 'The Cage'. It is 'The Cage of Doom'. Orange hates 'The Cage of Doom' immensely. She hates it so much that she will go into hiding as soon as I bring it upstairs. Every time I try to get Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' she revolts. She revolts by biting and scratching me so bad that I almost need a blood transfusion.
Last year I tried to trick her..... it almost worked. I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up a week before it was required. I thought I was clever by putting her food bowl into it. So each night I would feed her in 'The Cage of Doom', she was tentative at first. But by the end of the week she would happily go in and eat her food. I thought she was now happy to enter 'The Cage of Doom'......
Except she wasn't......
You see, she was happy enough to eat out of it. But the morning I had to transport her in 'The Cage of Doom' to the Vet she was on to me. She smelt my own Conspiracy Theory!
The morning it was Vet day went bad..... really, really bad. Orange smelt it, she somehow knew that on this day 'The Cage of Doom' would turn against her. When I woke up Orange was nowhere to be seen. All the doors where closed so she was inside.... somewhere. I searched and searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more. Brown helped me search as well.
We finally found her cowered behind the couch. A couch is heavy to move.... so I learnt. After much maneuvering and rounding up I finally caught her. Then the claws and teeth came out. Lucky for me I had decided to wear protective clothing.... triple layer of long sleeves. That saved me.
After depositing Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' I successfully got Brown and Orange to the Vet. Once there it was absolute CHAOS. Trying to take a Big Brown Dog who wants to sniff and eat everything and a crazed Orange Cat in the 'Cage of Doom' together in a car - into the Vet where there are other dogs and cats..... Well lets just say that I needed lots of help. And many beers afterwards to forget the terror of it all. Anyway.....
After that I learnt a new trick.....
Simple.... do not try to trick Orange, EVER! This year I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up the night before and hid it in the spare room. When Orange woke me up at 2:31 to go outside I ignored her. When it was time to go to the vet I grabbed a sleepy Orange out of her cave, grabbed her front paws together before she knew what I was doing, threw her into 'The Cage of Doom' and locked the door.... Done!
Orange wasn't very happy... but I didn't give a crap. I was happy! No blood transfusion required. Simple... why didn't I think of this 10 years ago?
And Brown.... Well Brown is always happy to go anywhere in the car.....
Although he did slobber a lot. And this year he needed a bit of blood to be tested.....
And because Brown was so good about it all, he got a special present of the good kind......
Orange went to hide in her cave.... and a bit latter on Brown was concerned, so he went to check on her
Clearly they are the best of friends.... and are most likely planning another Conspiracy Theory against me!
Except a whole year had passed and I forgot how damn hard it was. So this year I did it again. Bad idea.
This is why......
Orange hates going anywhere. She is happy to stay at home and do Orange Cat things. Things like catch mice and geckos and bring them to me as presents. Things like barfing in the hallway so when I get up to let her out at 2:31am I step in it. Things like climbing up the Christmas Tree and bringing it crashing down at 12:19am and scaring the shit out of me. As you may recall Orange is evil. Evil to the core. Though I still love her to bits.
Whenever I need to take Orange anywhere I always use 'The Cage'. It is 'The Cage of Doom'. Orange hates 'The Cage of Doom' immensely. She hates it so much that she will go into hiding as soon as I bring it upstairs. Every time I try to get Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' she revolts. She revolts by biting and scratching me so bad that I almost need a blood transfusion.
Last year I tried to trick her..... it almost worked. I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up a week before it was required. I thought I was clever by putting her food bowl into it. So each night I would feed her in 'The Cage of Doom', she was tentative at first. But by the end of the week she would happily go in and eat her food. I thought she was now happy to enter 'The Cage of Doom'......
Except she wasn't......
You see, she was happy enough to eat out of it. But the morning I had to transport her in 'The Cage of Doom' to the Vet she was on to me. She smelt my own Conspiracy Theory!
The morning it was Vet day went bad..... really, really bad. Orange smelt it, she somehow knew that on this day 'The Cage of Doom' would turn against her. When I woke up Orange was nowhere to be seen. All the doors where closed so she was inside.... somewhere. I searched and searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more. Brown helped me search as well.
We finally found her cowered behind the couch. A couch is heavy to move.... so I learnt. After much maneuvering and rounding up I finally caught her. Then the claws and teeth came out. Lucky for me I had decided to wear protective clothing.... triple layer of long sleeves. That saved me.
After depositing Orange into 'The Cage of Doom' I successfully got Brown and Orange to the Vet. Once there it was absolute CHAOS. Trying to take a Big Brown Dog who wants to sniff and eat everything and a crazed Orange Cat in the 'Cage of Doom' together in a car - into the Vet where there are other dogs and cats..... Well lets just say that I needed lots of help. And many beers afterwards to forget the terror of it all. Anyway.....
After that I learnt a new trick.....
Simple.... do not try to trick Orange, EVER! This year I brought 'The Cage of Doom' up the night before and hid it in the spare room. When Orange woke me up at 2:31 to go outside I ignored her. When it was time to go to the vet I grabbed a sleepy Orange out of her cave, grabbed her front paws together before she knew what I was doing, threw her into 'The Cage of Doom' and locked the door.... Done!
Orange wasn't very happy... but I didn't give a crap. I was happy! No blood transfusion required. Simple... why didn't I think of this 10 years ago?
And Brown.... Well Brown is always happy to go anywhere in the car.....
Although he did slobber a lot. And this year he needed a bit of blood to be tested.....
And because Brown was so good about it all, he got a special present of the good kind......
Orange went to hide in her cave.... and a bit latter on Brown was concerned, so he went to check on her
Clearly they are the best of friends.... and are most likely planning another Conspiracy Theory against me!
I Was Almost Eaten by A Tiger! - August 13th
On August 13th I was almost eaten by a tiger! Some friends and I decided to go on an excellent adventure. I have great friends..... really, really great friends. We like to do lots of fun things. Things like going Go-Karting and to the Zoo. On August 13th we did both.
Brown was sad because I told him he couldn't come along. He hasn't learnt to drive..... yet!
We spent the morning Go-Karting, it was a whole bunch of fun!
Then in the afternoon we went to Australia Zoo. You may have heard of Steve Irwin. He was an Australian bloke who did many many good things for animal conservation, and even opened a zoo. I had never been to this zoo before so was keen to check it out.
We saw many animals and had a great time. When I got home Brown was super happy to see me. Orange was in hiding doing Orange Cat things.... probably thinking of some way to get revenge on me for some reason. I do love Orange, but as you may recall she is evil. Evil to the core.
I went out to the back yard and this is what I saw.....
A tiger! What? How did a tiger get into my back yard. Did it hitch a ride in my day pack? It was about to eat me........ Arrggghhhhhh!
Then I realised it was just Orange trying to scare me.....
Phew! I lived to see many more days. And many more Conspiracy Theories!
Brown was sad because I told him he couldn't come along. He hasn't learnt to drive..... yet!
We spent the morning Go-Karting, it was a whole bunch of fun!
Then in the afternoon we went to Australia Zoo. You may have heard of Steve Irwin. He was an Australian bloke who did many many good things for animal conservation, and even opened a zoo. I had never been to this zoo before so was keen to check it out.
We saw many animals and had a great time. When I got home Brown was super happy to see me. Orange was in hiding doing Orange Cat things.... probably thinking of some way to get revenge on me for some reason. I do love Orange, but as you may recall she is evil. Evil to the core.
I went out to the back yard and this is what I saw.....
A tiger! What? How did a tiger get into my back yard. Did it hitch a ride in my day pack? It was about to eat me........ Arrggghhhhhh!
Then I realised it was just Orange trying to scare me.....
Phew! I lived to see many more days. And many more Conspiracy Theories!
Brown Loves 4 Seeds Bread - August 11th
You may recall that back in May Brown and Orange conspired against me for the 267th time. Orange distracted me with a gecko head while Brown stole a six pack of 4 seed bread rolls. I learnt my lesson.... don't keep bread rolls in a bag on the floor next to the cupboard where Brown can get them, because he will.
On August 11th I bought a nice fresh loaf of 4 seeds bread. You may recall that it is my favourite. Clearly it is Browns favourite too.
This is what happened.....
It was a cold winters night. Cold in Brisbane anyway, it was probably about 13 degrees. I was looking forward to having soup and cheese toast for dinner using the yummy 4 seeds bread I had just bought. After grocery shopping this time I put all the groceries away. The 4 seeds loaf of bread ended up on the bench top, well out of Browns reach.
Or so I thought.....
After taking Brown for a walk I must have become distracted. I don't think Orange distracted me with a gecko head this time, which is why it was not a Conspiracy Theory, it was all Browns doing. I probably got distracted by a good book I was reading, or maybe the news. I was getting a bit hungry so decided it was dinner time.
I checked on Brown and he was pretending to be asleep on the couch......
He reminded me of an old man having a nap. I gave him a good pat, then went to make my dinner. Only I realised that my new 4 seeds loaf of bread was no longer on the kitchen bench. I was sure I put it there. I searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more. Brown helped me search as well. He's pretty good at helping me search.
Then it dawned on me..... I put my shoes on and grabbed a torch. I went downstairs and looked inside Browns house.
This is what I saw.......
The plastic bag that my 4 seeds loaf of bread had been in, and a couple of crumbs. I looked at Brown, he looked at me. I asked "Did you do this Brown?" He dipped his head.... Guilty as charged!
Lessons Learnt.....
Brown is very clever!
Don't leave 4 seeds bread or rolls ANYWHERE Brown can find it.
From then on they go straight into the fridge.... Brown hasn't learnt how to open the fridge..... yet!
On August 11th I bought a nice fresh loaf of 4 seeds bread. You may recall that it is my favourite. Clearly it is Browns favourite too.
This is what happened.....
It was a cold winters night. Cold in Brisbane anyway, it was probably about 13 degrees. I was looking forward to having soup and cheese toast for dinner using the yummy 4 seeds bread I had just bought. After grocery shopping this time I put all the groceries away. The 4 seeds loaf of bread ended up on the bench top, well out of Browns reach.
Or so I thought.....
After taking Brown for a walk I must have become distracted. I don't think Orange distracted me with a gecko head this time, which is why it was not a Conspiracy Theory, it was all Browns doing. I probably got distracted by a good book I was reading, or maybe the news. I was getting a bit hungry so decided it was dinner time.
I checked on Brown and he was pretending to be asleep on the couch......
He reminded me of an old man having a nap. I gave him a good pat, then went to make my dinner. Only I realised that my new 4 seeds loaf of bread was no longer on the kitchen bench. I was sure I put it there. I searched and searched and searched, and then I searched some more. Brown helped me search as well. He's pretty good at helping me search.
Then it dawned on me..... I put my shoes on and grabbed a torch. I went downstairs and looked inside Browns house.
This is what I saw.......
The plastic bag that my 4 seeds loaf of bread had been in, and a couple of crumbs. I looked at Brown, he looked at me. I asked "Did you do this Brown?" He dipped his head.... Guilty as charged!
Lessons Learnt.....
Brown is very clever!
Don't leave 4 seeds bread or rolls ANYWHERE Brown can find it.
From then on they go straight into the fridge.... Brown hasn't learnt how to open the fridge..... yet!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Snake - 8 days ago
I don't have a problem with snakes, I'm sure they really are great. Except when they aren't so great.
Here's some good things about snakes:
Actually I know nothing good about snakes. I'm sure they are useful for some reason though.
Here's some bad things about snakes:
When there is a snake in my pool... it totally freaks me out!
This is what happened....
Last Saturday I was enjoying a quiet peaceful morning at home. Doing all those things that need to be done. Things like cleaning the house (not great at that), a bit of yard work (not great at that), picking up Brown Dogs poop (not great at that), washing clothes (am pretty great at that!)
So... I was about to hang up the clothes to dry on the Hills Hoist in my pool yard. And something in the pool caught my eye. I saw a movement. Now I do confess that I have been a bit slack this winter and the pool is not looking quite right. There are some palm fronds that need to be removed from the pool, but it will be looking snazzy for next summer.
You see, when the pool is out of commission for the winter, it is not a great worry to me. Apart from the pool pump working and guzzling up money in electricity costs I tend not to think about it. It will be fine for Pool parties in summer... ok!
Anyway.... so something in the pool caught my eye. I had a whole bunch of freshly washed clothes on my shoulder ready for hanging up. Then exactly 3.1 seconds later I realised what the movement was...
It was a 2 foot long Snake... In my pool!!!!!
I promptly dropped the clothes on the ground and did a huge freak out! Holy Shit, there is a snake... In my pool!
I then took another photo of the snake....
How did the Snake get into my pool???? And what kind of snake is it? I asked this question on Facebook. A friend reassured me that it was just a common tree snake. PHEW! But the problem was how to get the Snake out of my pool....
A little bit later Snakey (that's what I named him) was searching for a way out....
Oh good grief, how was I going to get Snakey out of my pool? Well thankfully I had some spare palm fronds that hadn't been mulched yet. I do like mulching my palm fronds, mulching is a whole bunch of fun. But I had a few spare so I put exactly 13 palm fronds and 3 broom sticks into the pool to try and get Snakey to slither his way out of my pool.
It worked....
Snakey found a palm frond and slithered his way out.
I am super happy that there is no longer a Snake... In my Pool!
I don't know where Snakey is living now, possibly in my trees. But as far as I'm concerned Snakey is out of sight - out of mind!
I just hope Brown or Orange don't find Snakey, or that Snakey doesn't find them... Because that would be a whole bunch of bad!
Here's some good things about snakes:
Actually I know nothing good about snakes. I'm sure they are useful for some reason though.
Here's some bad things about snakes:
When there is a snake in my pool... it totally freaks me out!
This is what happened....
Last Saturday I was enjoying a quiet peaceful morning at home. Doing all those things that need to be done. Things like cleaning the house (not great at that), a bit of yard work (not great at that), picking up Brown Dogs poop (not great at that), washing clothes (am pretty great at that!)
So... I was about to hang up the clothes to dry on the Hills Hoist in my pool yard. And something in the pool caught my eye. I saw a movement. Now I do confess that I have been a bit slack this winter and the pool is not looking quite right. There are some palm fronds that need to be removed from the pool, but it will be looking snazzy for next summer.
You see, when the pool is out of commission for the winter, it is not a great worry to me. Apart from the pool pump working and guzzling up money in electricity costs I tend not to think about it. It will be fine for Pool parties in summer... ok!
Anyway.... so something in the pool caught my eye. I had a whole bunch of freshly washed clothes on my shoulder ready for hanging up. Then exactly 3.1 seconds later I realised what the movement was...
It was a 2 foot long Snake... In my pool!!!!!
I promptly dropped the clothes on the ground and did a huge freak out! Holy Shit, there is a snake... In my pool!
I then took another photo of the snake....
How did the Snake get into my pool???? And what kind of snake is it? I asked this question on Facebook. A friend reassured me that it was just a common tree snake. PHEW! But the problem was how to get the Snake out of my pool....
A little bit later Snakey (that's what I named him) was searching for a way out....
Oh good grief, how was I going to get Snakey out of my pool? Well thankfully I had some spare palm fronds that hadn't been mulched yet. I do like mulching my palm fronds, mulching is a whole bunch of fun. But I had a few spare so I put exactly 13 palm fronds and 3 broom sticks into the pool to try and get Snakey to slither his way out of my pool.
It worked....
Snakey found a palm frond and slithered his way out.
I am super happy that there is no longer a Snake... In my Pool!
I don't know where Snakey is living now, possibly in my trees. But as far as I'm concerned Snakey is out of sight - out of mind!
I just hope Brown or Orange don't find Snakey, or that Snakey doesn't find them... Because that would be a whole bunch of bad!
Brown and Orange - Special Meetings
As you know... I love my Brown Dog and Orange Cat, they really are great! Except when they're not so great. You may recall that I have often thought that Brown and Orange have special meetings when I am not around. These special meetings are held so they can plan to conspire against me at any possible moment. It is always well thought out and the outcome is always bad.
One day a couple of weeks ago they let their guard down.... they held a special meeting when I was at home. Maybe it's because they are older now and a little bit forgetful, or maybe holding a special meeting when I was at home was a conspiracy theory in itself?
Either way, Brown and Orange were busted!
This was the start, where they pretended nothing special was happening...
I knew something was about to happen. Orange had that look of evil that only Orange Cat can have...
I tried as hard as I could to be invisible... it worked. Brown and Orange were deep in conversation, contemplating the next conspiracy
I caught Brown talking to Orange, while she pretended to be asleep, but I knew that she secretly had one eye open. Listening intently....
After a few minutes the special meeting was over...
Nothing has happened yet... but I know that there will be a Conspiracy against me. Anytime now.
Lesson learnt:
Brown and Orange do indeed hold special meetings to Conspire against me at any possible moment. I will be on my guard!
One day a couple of weeks ago they let their guard down.... they held a special meeting when I was at home. Maybe it's because they are older now and a little bit forgetful, or maybe holding a special meeting when I was at home was a conspiracy theory in itself?
Either way, Brown and Orange were busted!
This was the start, where they pretended nothing special was happening...
I knew something was about to happen. Orange had that look of evil that only Orange Cat can have...
I tried as hard as I could to be invisible... it worked. Brown and Orange were deep in conversation, contemplating the next conspiracy
I caught Brown talking to Orange, while she pretended to be asleep, but I knew that she secretly had one eye open. Listening intently....
After a few minutes the special meeting was over...
Nothing has happened yet... but I know that there will be a Conspiracy against me. Anytime now.
Lesson learnt:
Brown and Orange do indeed hold special meetings to Conspire against me at any possible moment. I will be on my guard!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Conspiracy Theory #267 - Bread Rolls - 4 nights ago
You may recall that Brown and Orange made a secret pact many many years ago when they found the love and became best of friends. They made a pact to conspire against me at any possible moment. Four nights ago they did it again.
This is how it started....
After work I had to do some grocery shopping. Some of you may know that I hate grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is not a hobby, it is not a social occasion, it is not the opportunity to take the whole family on an adventure. This is the rule of grocery shopping.... You go in, you get your shit, and you get the hell out.... as fast as possible. Simple. I don't understand why 97% of the population doesn't obey the rules.
So anyway, I did some grocery shopping. I know I had zero bread left in my house, so I needed bread. Except all the good bread was gone. I like the fresh baked 4 seeds bread at Woolworths, it's my favourite. Four days ago it was all sold out, but they had some rather magnificent looking 4 seeds bread rolls. Six to be exact, all packaged up in a nice plastic bag. I bought the bread rolls and was quite excited about making a burger for dinner.
It was going to be a magnificent burger.... a home made veggie patty, with lots of cheese and lettuce and tomato and mustard and ketchup. All on a toasted bread roll. I was super excited! Except I shouldn't have been.....
This is what happened next....
When I got home I took my grocery's upstairs and put them on the floor next to the cupboard so I could put them away. I put all the cold stuff away in the fridge... stuff like the cheese and the orange juice and the milk. And then I heard it....
Orange Cat was making that Mreow, mreow, mreow noise. The kind of noise that I know means she has brought me a present. I know Orange loves me a whole bunch because she brings me lots of presents. Except Orange's presents are never nice presents like flowers, they are always presents of the animal kind, like mice or geckos.
Orange was at the back of the house, in the computer room. The computer room does have a computer in it but I never use it, I prefer to use my laptop. I like my laptop, it really is great. Except when I'm using it and Orange decides she want a pat and makes me spill a drink into it. Then it's not so great because it stops working.... thankfully I have accident insurance and it only cost me $300 to get a brand new one. My new laptop is just as great as my old one... except it's 3 years newer, pretty happy about that.
So I left the remainder of the grocery's on the floor next to the cupboard and went to the computer room. Clearly Orange is evil, evil to the core. She had brought me a gecko and was happily crunching away on it. Nice. I decided to get changed out of my work clothes so I didn't have to listen to her eating her snack. Orange came into the bedroom exactly 19 seconds later. She normally eats all of her presents, but when I had a look to make sure I noticed she had left the head behind. I guess Orange had had enough gecko for the night and as usual she left the remains for me to clean up.
Cleaning up a gecko head involves getting the broom and dustpan out of the closet, closing my eyes and sweeping it up. Then very very quickly running to the front deck and hurling it as far as I can, preferably into my neighbours yard.
At this stage I hardly noticed that Brown was nowhere to be seen. Pretty normal when I come home, he likes to explore the front yard before we go for a walk. I figured he was probably doing a poop. He wasn't gone long.... but it was long enough.
You see, I got distracted after cleaning up the gecko head. I took Brown for a walk then came home and watched a bit of TV. At exactly 7:21 I decided I wanted to make dinner.... my magnificent burger was just waiting to be made and eaten.
I realised that the grocery's were still on the floor so I started putting them away. As I was putting them away I noticed that the bread rolls were missing. Maybe I had already put them away? I searched and searched and searched and searched. Then I searched some more. Brown helped me search. While I looked in the dishwasher Brown looked in Orange's litter box, he may have found a special treat in there... but not my bread rolls.
I started thinking that maybe I was losing my mind. How on earth do 6 bread rolls go missing. First I thought I must have left them behind at the grocery store, but was pretty sure I hadn't. Then I thought they had fallen out of the bag and were still in my car. But it was really dark and raining and I didn't feel like getting wet, so I didn't check. After searching for so long I was resigned to the fact that I would not be having a magnificent burger after all. I guessed I would find the bread rolls in my car the next morning and could have a magnificent burger the following night. So instead I just had salad.
The outcome of the Conspiracy Theory....
After eating my salad it was time for bed. The usual routine.... feed Orange, give Brown his porkette, and go to bed. You may recall that since Brown got hit by a motorbike in February he sleeps inside now. He normally sleeps all night long without wanting to go outside to pee. That night was different....
At exactly 2:28am I heard the tip tip tip of Brown on my hardwood floors. Tip tip tip... then a nuzzle on my face. Normally if this happens I just say 'go to bed' then I hear him tip tip tip back to his chair and I fall back to sleep. This time that didn't work.... Brown really really wanted to go outside.
So I got up and let Brown outside. I figured he had to pee really really bad. Except I heard him go into his house instead. A little bit odd. I went to the fridge and had a drink of water and waited a while. Exactly 1.39 minutes later I called Brown to come back to bed inside. I heard him get out of his house.
Still 91% asleep I didn't think anything of it except it was a little bit odd. After all in the morning I would find my bread rolls in my car and could look forward to a magnificent burger that night.
Except that was not the case.....
In the morning I went to my car to drive to the train station to go to work. There were zero bread rolls in my car. I was very confused, they were meant to be there after all. I got into the car and was about to start it up when I had a thought.... I might just have a quick peek into Browns house.
This is what I found....
The only remains of my bread rolls... there are even a few seeds stuck on it. I guess Brown didn't like the taste of the paper.
So thinking back, this is what really happened....
During the day Brown and Orange had one of their special meetings to conspire against me. It has been a while.
If I came home with food Orange would distract me.
Brown would then be free to take an opportunity to steal some food.
Brown stole the bread rolls and took them into his house while I was getting rid of the gecko head.
He probably ate about 4 of them then came back inside to help me search for the bread rolls.
During the night he wanted to finish off the bread rolls and leave no evidence behind so I would always be super confused about what happened to them.
Lessons learnt....
Don't leave the side door open after bringing grocery's inside. It is prime opportunity for Brown to steal food and take it to his own house.
Put grocery's away straight away so Brown doesn't have the opportunity to steal food in the first place.
And most importantly....
Don't become complacent about Brown and Orange's ability to conspire against me at any possible moment!
This is how it started....
After work I had to do some grocery shopping. Some of you may know that I hate grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is not a hobby, it is not a social occasion, it is not the opportunity to take the whole family on an adventure. This is the rule of grocery shopping.... You go in, you get your shit, and you get the hell out.... as fast as possible. Simple. I don't understand why 97% of the population doesn't obey the rules.
So anyway, I did some grocery shopping. I know I had zero bread left in my house, so I needed bread. Except all the good bread was gone. I like the fresh baked 4 seeds bread at Woolworths, it's my favourite. Four days ago it was all sold out, but they had some rather magnificent looking 4 seeds bread rolls. Six to be exact, all packaged up in a nice plastic bag. I bought the bread rolls and was quite excited about making a burger for dinner.
It was going to be a magnificent burger.... a home made veggie patty, with lots of cheese and lettuce and tomato and mustard and ketchup. All on a toasted bread roll. I was super excited! Except I shouldn't have been.....
This is what happened next....
When I got home I took my grocery's upstairs and put them on the floor next to the cupboard so I could put them away. I put all the cold stuff away in the fridge... stuff like the cheese and the orange juice and the milk. And then I heard it....
Orange Cat was making that Mreow, mreow, mreow noise. The kind of noise that I know means she has brought me a present. I know Orange loves me a whole bunch because she brings me lots of presents. Except Orange's presents are never nice presents like flowers, they are always presents of the animal kind, like mice or geckos.
Orange was at the back of the house, in the computer room. The computer room does have a computer in it but I never use it, I prefer to use my laptop. I like my laptop, it really is great. Except when I'm using it and Orange decides she want a pat and makes me spill a drink into it. Then it's not so great because it stops working.... thankfully I have accident insurance and it only cost me $300 to get a brand new one. My new laptop is just as great as my old one... except it's 3 years newer, pretty happy about that.
So I left the remainder of the grocery's on the floor next to the cupboard and went to the computer room. Clearly Orange is evil, evil to the core. She had brought me a gecko and was happily crunching away on it. Nice. I decided to get changed out of my work clothes so I didn't have to listen to her eating her snack. Orange came into the bedroom exactly 19 seconds later. She normally eats all of her presents, but when I had a look to make sure I noticed she had left the head behind. I guess Orange had had enough gecko for the night and as usual she left the remains for me to clean up.
Cleaning up a gecko head involves getting the broom and dustpan out of the closet, closing my eyes and sweeping it up. Then very very quickly running to the front deck and hurling it as far as I can, preferably into my neighbours yard.
At this stage I hardly noticed that Brown was nowhere to be seen. Pretty normal when I come home, he likes to explore the front yard before we go for a walk. I figured he was probably doing a poop. He wasn't gone long.... but it was long enough.
You see, I got distracted after cleaning up the gecko head. I took Brown for a walk then came home and watched a bit of TV. At exactly 7:21 I decided I wanted to make dinner.... my magnificent burger was just waiting to be made and eaten.
I realised that the grocery's were still on the floor so I started putting them away. As I was putting them away I noticed that the bread rolls were missing. Maybe I had already put them away? I searched and searched and searched and searched. Then I searched some more. Brown helped me search. While I looked in the dishwasher Brown looked in Orange's litter box, he may have found a special treat in there... but not my bread rolls.
I started thinking that maybe I was losing my mind. How on earth do 6 bread rolls go missing. First I thought I must have left them behind at the grocery store, but was pretty sure I hadn't. Then I thought they had fallen out of the bag and were still in my car. But it was really dark and raining and I didn't feel like getting wet, so I didn't check. After searching for so long I was resigned to the fact that I would not be having a magnificent burger after all. I guessed I would find the bread rolls in my car the next morning and could have a magnificent burger the following night. So instead I just had salad.
The outcome of the Conspiracy Theory....
After eating my salad it was time for bed. The usual routine.... feed Orange, give Brown his porkette, and go to bed. You may recall that since Brown got hit by a motorbike in February he sleeps inside now. He normally sleeps all night long without wanting to go outside to pee. That night was different....
At exactly 2:28am I heard the tip tip tip of Brown on my hardwood floors. Tip tip tip... then a nuzzle on my face. Normally if this happens I just say 'go to bed' then I hear him tip tip tip back to his chair and I fall back to sleep. This time that didn't work.... Brown really really wanted to go outside.
So I got up and let Brown outside. I figured he had to pee really really bad. Except I heard him go into his house instead. A little bit odd. I went to the fridge and had a drink of water and waited a while. Exactly 1.39 minutes later I called Brown to come back to bed inside. I heard him get out of his house.
Still 91% asleep I didn't think anything of it except it was a little bit odd. After all in the morning I would find my bread rolls in my car and could look forward to a magnificent burger that night.
Except that was not the case.....
In the morning I went to my car to drive to the train station to go to work. There were zero bread rolls in my car. I was very confused, they were meant to be there after all. I got into the car and was about to start it up when I had a thought.... I might just have a quick peek into Browns house.
This is what I found....
The only remains of my bread rolls... there are even a few seeds stuck on it. I guess Brown didn't like the taste of the paper.
So thinking back, this is what really happened....
During the day Brown and Orange had one of their special meetings to conspire against me. It has been a while.
If I came home with food Orange would distract me.
Brown would then be free to take an opportunity to steal some food.
Brown stole the bread rolls and took them into his house while I was getting rid of the gecko head.
He probably ate about 4 of them then came back inside to help me search for the bread rolls.
During the night he wanted to finish off the bread rolls and leave no evidence behind so I would always be super confused about what happened to them.
Lessons learnt....
Don't leave the side door open after bringing grocery's inside. It is prime opportunity for Brown to steal food and take it to his own house.
Put grocery's away straight away so Brown doesn't have the opportunity to steal food in the first place.
And most importantly....
Don't become complacent about Brown and Orange's ability to conspire against me at any possible moment!
Brown and Orange's Birthday - April 25th - Every Year
You may recall that Brown and Orange were both born on the same day in the same year. That is one reason why they are like brother and sister and share the love.
This year on April 25th they turned 11....
Brown was happy that it was his birthday... he proudly wore a hat and his party scarf.
As much as I tried and tried and tried and tried.... and then tried some more, Orange didn't want to wear her hat. She's a bit like that....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROWN & ORANGE!
This year on April 25th they turned 11....
Brown was happy that it was his birthday... he proudly wore a hat and his party scarf.
As much as I tried and tried and tried and tried.... and then tried some more, Orange didn't want to wear her hat. She's a bit like that....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROWN & ORANGE!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Brown and Beds
I love my Brown Dog... he really is great. But since he got hit by a motorbike in February we have made a few changes.
I decided not only to keep Brown in the pool yard during the day to avoid him getting out incase it thunders or there are fireworks or for some other reason that he seems to want to escape. Brown now has many places to sleep...
Most people have one bed that they normally sleep in. Or perhaps two, very rarely would they have more than three. Brown isn't like most people, which is a good thing because he is a dog, not a person. Brown has many places to sleep.... in fact he has six beds to choose from. He's a very lucky Brown!
Brown has his very own house with his very own address. You see my house is number 15 so it is only fitting that Brown's house is number 15a. My house is a highset chamferboard, Brown's house is also a highset chamferboard. My house is white, Brown's house is not white. Brown's house is yellow, bright yellow.
This is why Brown's house is yellow....
Brown's house wasn't always his. It came recycled from a different dog. A dog that died. That dog didn't die in the house though, so it is not haunted. When I first got Brown's house it needed some renovations. I put a base on it to keep it off the ground, that's when it became a highset. It also needed a coat of paint because the paint that was on it was peeling and didn't look very nice. I couldn't let Brown sleep in a house that didn't look very nice.
So I went to Bunnings to buy some paint. At Bunnings they had tins of paint on sale, tins of paint that had been mixed the wrong colour, colours that people didn't want to buy. Except me, I wanted to buy on sale paint. I figured that Brown wouldn't really mind what colour his house was. I wanted green, but that day there was no on sale green paint. So instead I bought yellow, bright yellow.
This is Brown's house with Brown in it....
Brown loves his bright yellow house. He used to sleep in there every night. That was until February when he escaped and got hit by a motorbike. Brown still uses his house, when I'm at home and he wants to have an afternoon nap.
Now Brown sleeps inside every night. He has his own enormous pillow in my bedroom where he goes to sleep.....
Brown likes his enormous pillow. But every night he would creep out to the lounge room and sleep on the couch. I didn't like this much because he would leave fur and slobber behind which I had to clean up. So I made a new bed for Brown, on one of the recliner chairs.....
Brown likes having his very own chair. When I wake up every morning he is all curled up... as happy as a Brown Dog on a chair.
When I go to work every day Brown stays in the pool yard. He likes the pool yard now, he didn't to start with as you may recall. When Brown is in the pool yard he also has access to the rumpus room and garage. In the rumpus room he has his very own beanbag.....
Brown likes to sleep in his beanbag during the day listening to the radio that I keep on for him to keep him company. When I'm at home and on my front deck doing things like updating Brown Dog Adventures... among other things, Brown likes to be close to me. So he has his own mat at my feet....
Brown likes his mat at my feet. But sometimes he also likes to be lazy on his outside dog bed. He often uses his outside dog bed as a trampoline when we play T-bone or beer or ball or dumb bell or sausage. Which is why it looks like it's about to swallow him....
So, you can see that Brown is a very lucky Brown Dog with six beds to sleep on at any given time.
I love my Brown Dog, he really is great.... except of course when he isn't!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Brown vs Motorbikes
I love my Brown Dog, he really is great.... except when he's not so great. I also love motorbikes, they are really great.... except when they're not so great.
You see, Brown Dogs and motorbikes don't go well together. Especially when Brown Dog gets hit by a motorbike.
This is what happened....
On February 7th at approximately 11pm (I don't know the exact time because I was fast asleep in bed) I heard my phone ring. It sounded kind of like this... Ring ring ring, Ring ring ring, Ring ring ring.... When I heard the first Ring I woke up. When I heard the second Ring I stumbled out of bed thinking who on earth is calling me at 11pm at night? Hardly anyone knows my home number, all of my friends call me on my mobile phone.
I was a little bit worried. On the third Ring I managed to pick up the phone and this is what I heard....
"Michelle, it's Lani. Brown got hit by a motorbike is he ok?"
Lani is a friend who lives around the corner from me.
I was very confused.... because at the same time I was talking to Lani I was also looking at Brown doing a tap dance at the back door waiting to get inside.
I was in a whole state of confusion... confusion of mass proportions.
So then this happened....
I turned on some lights in my house. Then I let Brown inside. You may recall that Brown slobbers, he slobbers a whole bunch. But that night Brown was slobbering a whole bunch more than normal, and he was limping. He had clearly been on an adventure of some kind.
Because I turned lights on in my house my friend Lani around the corner came over to my house. Not a great distance, but it was very late at night. She told me the story of what happened to Brown and the motorbike....
The story of Brown and the Motorbike goes like this....
It was a normal night with rain. I gave Brown his going to bed snack, sent him to his own house and then went to bed. At some stage during the evening after I went to bed it began to thunder. As you may recall Brown and thunder are not friends.
Brown would have done a tap dance at my door to be let in, but I was fast asleep and didn't hear him. So he decided to go for a wonder to find someone else to comfort him. As he was crossing the road a motorbike hit him on the back leg.
Thankfully the motorbike rider didn't fall off his bike, because that would have been bad.... a whole bunch of bad. He only clipped Brown on his leg which was why Brown was limping. After hitting him the motorbike rider and Lani went searching for Brown... he had run away.
But thankfully Brown found his way home, and after a couple of days he came good again... doing normal Brown things.
And that is now why I keep Brown inside every night... so he can't be hit by motorbikes or cars or anything.
I think it was all a bit of a conspiracy theory.... I think it's what he wanted all along!
You see, Brown Dogs and motorbikes don't go well together. Especially when Brown Dog gets hit by a motorbike.
This is what happened....
On February 7th at approximately 11pm (I don't know the exact time because I was fast asleep in bed) I heard my phone ring. It sounded kind of like this... Ring ring ring, Ring ring ring, Ring ring ring.... When I heard the first Ring I woke up. When I heard the second Ring I stumbled out of bed thinking who on earth is calling me at 11pm at night? Hardly anyone knows my home number, all of my friends call me on my mobile phone.
I was a little bit worried. On the third Ring I managed to pick up the phone and this is what I heard....
"Michelle, it's Lani. Brown got hit by a motorbike is he ok?"
Lani is a friend who lives around the corner from me.
I was very confused.... because at the same time I was talking to Lani I was also looking at Brown doing a tap dance at the back door waiting to get inside.
I was in a whole state of confusion... confusion of mass proportions.
So then this happened....
I turned on some lights in my house. Then I let Brown inside. You may recall that Brown slobbers, he slobbers a whole bunch. But that night Brown was slobbering a whole bunch more than normal, and he was limping. He had clearly been on an adventure of some kind.
Because I turned lights on in my house my friend Lani around the corner came over to my house. Not a great distance, but it was very late at night. She told me the story of what happened to Brown and the motorbike....
The story of Brown and the Motorbike goes like this....
It was a normal night with rain. I gave Brown his going to bed snack, sent him to his own house and then went to bed. At some stage during the evening after I went to bed it began to thunder. As you may recall Brown and thunder are not friends.
Brown would have done a tap dance at my door to be let in, but I was fast asleep and didn't hear him. So he decided to go for a wonder to find someone else to comfort him. As he was crossing the road a motorbike hit him on the back leg.
Thankfully the motorbike rider didn't fall off his bike, because that would have been bad.... a whole bunch of bad. He only clipped Brown on his leg which was why Brown was limping. After hitting him the motorbike rider and Lani went searching for Brown... he had run away.
But thankfully Brown found his way home, and after a couple of days he came good again... doing normal Brown things.
And that is now why I keep Brown inside every night... so he can't be hit by motorbikes or cars or anything.
I think it was all a bit of a conspiracy theory.... I think it's what he wanted all along!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Brown vs Thunder Storms & Fireworks
Brown hasn't always been shit scared of thunder and fireworks. I enjoyed many years with him as a puppy before he became scared of them. Many happy years when I could be out doing things while a storm was happening. Things like working or shopping or scuba diving or having dinner with friends or getting a haircut or, well anything at all really. Except not riding my motorbike. Because I didn't ride a motorbike when Brown was a puppy, and even if I did I wouldn't ride my motorbike in the middle of a thunder storm.
I remember when Brown became scared of thunder and fireworks. It was New Years Eve of 2004. I was invited down to Sydney for the celebrations. I was quite excited. I like being quite excited, except when it doesn't turn out so great.
The history of why it was not so great:
I'd made a new friend that previous Easter on a scuba diving trip. We met on a live aboard dive boat for a four day excellent adventure out to the Yongala Shipwreck, off Townsville in north Queensland. It was meant to be an excellent adventure of mass proportions. Lots of diving along the way to the wreck and then diving on the wreck. It was going to be great.
Except it wasn't......
Arriving in Townsville the wind was blowing 30 knots. Not good. After hours of waiting I finally boarded the boat. Turns out it wasn't a very good boat. The sleeping quarters were cramped, there was a bout of bed bugs on board, the only water supply was 2 levels above on the top deck, the staff were just backpackers who didn't really care about the divers, the only real vegetarian food they had was a tin of beans to share between 3 of us.
And then there was the crappy diving. Really really crappy diving. You see once we set out everyone was quite excited. However within a few hours we all had this look in our eyes. A look that said something like "ok, this is fun so far meeting new people but the wind is howling the boat is rocking and I don't think there is any way in hell we are going to make it out to the wreck". We all knew it, but no one said it.
When it came time to go to bed that first night the boat was rocking so hard I wished I'd had straps to tie me to my bed. I was so scared of falling out that I didn't sleep at all that night. I kept one eye open just incase we capsized and had to make a quick escape. Thankfully we didn't capsize.
The call came out the next morning...."Diving 10 minutes". Holy crap really? Really. Everyone scrambled out of bed up to the deck with one eye still shut trying to sleep. We had exactly 10 minutes to get our gear together and on and get into the water. A tough task for anyone. Being a trained instructor I made it, others didn't. But it wasn't worth it after all, it was crap. Really really crap. We were at some dead reef full of nothing. While I was diving all I could think about was breakfast. What a great wonderful breakfast of mass proportions it would be.
It wasn't......
It was a tin of baked beans between 3 of us on toast. Not so much substance for a three dive a day trip.
We never made it out to the glorious Yongala wreck. The wind and waves were so bad we never came close. Instead everyone on board was constantly seasick, even me who had never been before. I guess it didn't really matter that there was crap food on board, everyone barfed it up anyway. I remember thinking on the last night of the trip that I must have done something really really bad, because surely I was living in Hell. The only good thing about the trip was that I made a new friend. A friend that I would go to Tahiti with later that year (that's another story in itself). A friend who would invite me to Sydney for New Years Eve.
The lead up to New Years Eve:
It was a rather spontaneous decision to go to Sydney for NYE. I was excited, except I had one problem. What do I do with Brown and Orange? I found a kennel for Orange straight away, but trying to find a place for Brown was much more difficult..... all the big dog kennels were booked out months in advance. After calling exactly 16 kennels in the Brisbane area I finally found one. Phew! I was glad.
Except I shouldn't have been.....
I booked Brown into a police kennel. A kennel where they train police dogs. A kennel where they shoot guns that make loud noises. Loud noises like gun shots and thunder and fireworks. Unfortunately I didn't know this at the time.
Upon bringing Brown home after the NYE extravaganza he was a bit different. He was still Brown, but a different kind of Brown. He was suddenly scared of loud noises. I didn't like that. I wanted my old Brown back. But that old Brown was gone, forever.
Brown had suddenly become a Houdini Brown. Anytime there was thunder or fireworks he would escape the yard if I wasn't home. I could no longer go away if it was going to storm. If I was at work I would get a phone call from my neighbour or my friends around the corner or the vet across the road or some random kind stranger who had found him roaming the streets. This was highly frustrating.
A couple of times Brown injured himself escaping the yard. He had to get stitches. This made me sad, and cost lots of money. So I came up with a plan. A very clever plan.
It was clever for a while. Approximately 4 days, before the next storm arrived. This was the plan......
Go to the hardware store and buy lots and lots and lots of mesh fencing and star pickets. I spent many hours on many occasions putting up more and more mesh fencing. And lots and lots of money. Each time it stormed or there were fireworks though Brown would find a new way out.
Every summer for the past 6 years I spent countless hours fixing fences. One day back in March last year I thought I had finally won. There was a thunderstorm of mass proportions. The building I worked in got struck by lightening and set off the fire alarms. That storm lasted almost an hour. But there was no phone call about Brown escaping. I thought I had finally won!
Except I didn't.......
He'd gone to my friends around the corner where someone was thankfully home. He stayed there for the whole day in their pool yard. They didn't call me because they knew I would worry. I picked him up on the way home from work. I wasn't very happy with Brown. But I had a new idea. A very clever idea. An idea that would hopefully finally work.
The clever idea was this.........
Keep Brown in my pool yard in summer when I'm not going to be at home. The fences are much higher and more secure. I went and bought a new mat and new toys for Brown. He would love staying in the pool yard. He has a pool to swim in whenever he wants. And new toys and even Orange to play with. Why didn't I think of this before?
Because Brown didn't like being in the pool yard. He could no longer sit on the front deck and watch the world go by, and bark at people and other dogs. A few days later my friends around the corner came over. They were seriously worried about me. They thought something bad had happened. They thought I might be dead. You see Brown spent those days in the pool yard crying and howling to mass proportions. I was not happy.
So I went and bought a cheap radio. And made arrangements so Brown could actually go inside the rumpus room and garage. So if it stormed he could lie on his beanbag and listen to the soothing sounds of the radio.
I am delighted to say that after a few months of this, Brown is finally content with his new surroundings. He may not be entirely happy. He has moved a few bricks out of place in an attempt to dig out. But that won't happen because there are drains and pipes in the way.
Now when I leave the house for any length of time Brown goes into the pool yard. He has Orange to keep him company. Although I'm pretty sure they have their secret special meetings... to conspire against me whenever possible.
I remember when Brown became scared of thunder and fireworks. It was New Years Eve of 2004. I was invited down to Sydney for the celebrations. I was quite excited. I like being quite excited, except when it doesn't turn out so great.
The history of why it was not so great:
I'd made a new friend that previous Easter on a scuba diving trip. We met on a live aboard dive boat for a four day excellent adventure out to the Yongala Shipwreck, off Townsville in north Queensland. It was meant to be an excellent adventure of mass proportions. Lots of diving along the way to the wreck and then diving on the wreck. It was going to be great.
Except it wasn't......
Arriving in Townsville the wind was blowing 30 knots. Not good. After hours of waiting I finally boarded the boat. Turns out it wasn't a very good boat. The sleeping quarters were cramped, there was a bout of bed bugs on board, the only water supply was 2 levels above on the top deck, the staff were just backpackers who didn't really care about the divers, the only real vegetarian food they had was a tin of beans to share between 3 of us.
And then there was the crappy diving. Really really crappy diving. You see once we set out everyone was quite excited. However within a few hours we all had this look in our eyes. A look that said something like "ok, this is fun so far meeting new people but the wind is howling the boat is rocking and I don't think there is any way in hell we are going to make it out to the wreck". We all knew it, but no one said it.
When it came time to go to bed that first night the boat was rocking so hard I wished I'd had straps to tie me to my bed. I was so scared of falling out that I didn't sleep at all that night. I kept one eye open just incase we capsized and had to make a quick escape. Thankfully we didn't capsize.
The call came out the next morning...."Diving 10 minutes". Holy crap really? Really. Everyone scrambled out of bed up to the deck with one eye still shut trying to sleep. We had exactly 10 minutes to get our gear together and on and get into the water. A tough task for anyone. Being a trained instructor I made it, others didn't. But it wasn't worth it after all, it was crap. Really really crap. We were at some dead reef full of nothing. While I was diving all I could think about was breakfast. What a great wonderful breakfast of mass proportions it would be.
It wasn't......
It was a tin of baked beans between 3 of us on toast. Not so much substance for a three dive a day trip.
We never made it out to the glorious Yongala wreck. The wind and waves were so bad we never came close. Instead everyone on board was constantly seasick, even me who had never been before. I guess it didn't really matter that there was crap food on board, everyone barfed it up anyway. I remember thinking on the last night of the trip that I must have done something really really bad, because surely I was living in Hell. The only good thing about the trip was that I made a new friend. A friend that I would go to Tahiti with later that year (that's another story in itself). A friend who would invite me to Sydney for New Years Eve.
The lead up to New Years Eve:
It was a rather spontaneous decision to go to Sydney for NYE. I was excited, except I had one problem. What do I do with Brown and Orange? I found a kennel for Orange straight away, but trying to find a place for Brown was much more difficult..... all the big dog kennels were booked out months in advance. After calling exactly 16 kennels in the Brisbane area I finally found one. Phew! I was glad.
Except I shouldn't have been.....
I booked Brown into a police kennel. A kennel where they train police dogs. A kennel where they shoot guns that make loud noises. Loud noises like gun shots and thunder and fireworks. Unfortunately I didn't know this at the time.
Upon bringing Brown home after the NYE extravaganza he was a bit different. He was still Brown, but a different kind of Brown. He was suddenly scared of loud noises. I didn't like that. I wanted my old Brown back. But that old Brown was gone, forever.
Brown had suddenly become a Houdini Brown. Anytime there was thunder or fireworks he would escape the yard if I wasn't home. I could no longer go away if it was going to storm. If I was at work I would get a phone call from my neighbour or my friends around the corner or the vet across the road or some random kind stranger who had found him roaming the streets. This was highly frustrating.
A couple of times Brown injured himself escaping the yard. He had to get stitches. This made me sad, and cost lots of money. So I came up with a plan. A very clever plan.
It was clever for a while. Approximately 4 days, before the next storm arrived. This was the plan......
Go to the hardware store and buy lots and lots and lots of mesh fencing and star pickets. I spent many hours on many occasions putting up more and more mesh fencing. And lots and lots of money. Each time it stormed or there were fireworks though Brown would find a new way out.
Every summer for the past 6 years I spent countless hours fixing fences. One day back in March last year I thought I had finally won. There was a thunderstorm of mass proportions. The building I worked in got struck by lightening and set off the fire alarms. That storm lasted almost an hour. But there was no phone call about Brown escaping. I thought I had finally won!
Except I didn't.......
He'd gone to my friends around the corner where someone was thankfully home. He stayed there for the whole day in their pool yard. They didn't call me because they knew I would worry. I picked him up on the way home from work. I wasn't very happy with Brown. But I had a new idea. A very clever idea. An idea that would hopefully finally work.
The clever idea was this.........
Keep Brown in my pool yard in summer when I'm not going to be at home. The fences are much higher and more secure. I went and bought a new mat and new toys for Brown. He would love staying in the pool yard. He has a pool to swim in whenever he wants. And new toys and even Orange to play with. Why didn't I think of this before?
Because Brown didn't like being in the pool yard. He could no longer sit on the front deck and watch the world go by, and bark at people and other dogs. A few days later my friends around the corner came over. They were seriously worried about me. They thought something bad had happened. They thought I might be dead. You see Brown spent those days in the pool yard crying and howling to mass proportions. I was not happy.
So I went and bought a cheap radio. And made arrangements so Brown could actually go inside the rumpus room and garage. So if it stormed he could lie on his beanbag and listen to the soothing sounds of the radio.
I am delighted to say that after a few months of this, Brown is finally content with his new surroundings. He may not be entirely happy. He has moved a few bricks out of place in an attempt to dig out. But that won't happen because there are drains and pipes in the way.
Now when I leave the house for any length of time Brown goes into the pool yard. He has Orange to keep him company. Although I'm pretty sure they have their secret special meetings... to conspire against me whenever possible.
Tree of Doom - January 2011
I like trees. Trees are really quite great, except when their not. Here's some great things about trees:
Trees are pretty
Trees provide shade on hot summer days
Trees add oxygen to the atmosphere
Trees come in all sorts of shapes and sizes
Trees have flowers
Trees attract birds
Here's some not so great things about trees:
Trees get big, and when they get to big they fall.... on my house
This is what happened
I had a beautiful big tree in my yard. I actually have many beautiful big trees in my yard, but this one was my favourite. It was so big and beautiful that it was taller than my two storey house and it always had lots of birds in it. I would look out of my lounge room windows and all I would see was tree and birds. It was great, really great. It gave me privacy from my neighbours, who are also really great.
You may recall that Brisbane got lots and lots and lots of rain this wet season. Quite often my suburb got the most rainfall. I know this because I read it in the paper. When lots and lots and lots of rain falls it makes the trees and ground very wet. When trees get really wet they get top heavy and when trees get top heavy they snap. Just like this...
It happened on a Thursday, but I had to work so I couldn't do anything about it until Saturday. I thought about getting a tree removal person to come and take it away. I thought about that for exactly 5.37 seconds. Then I decided that I could get rid of it myself and save money. That probably wasn't the most brilliant decision I've ever made....
I got out my bow saw and started cutting it away. I sawed and sawed and sawed and sawed. Then I sawed some more. It was hard, but after many hours I had sawed as much as I could. This is what it looked like...
Then I realised that I had a problem. My bow saw wasn't going to work on the trunk. I was going to need a chainsaw, I don't have a chainsaw. Problem. But it wasn't a problem for very long, because my neighbour has a chainsaw and he came over and cut down my Tree Of Doom for me. My neighbour is great, really really great...
I was really quite delighted that my Tree Of Doom was now gone. Except it wasn't really.... I realised I had another problem. I now had a big beautiful tree in my front yard and I had to get rid of it somehow. Trees don't just get rid of themselves.
At this stage I was stuck at home for a week. Because Brisbane was flooding and my work flooded and I couldn't do anything about it. So I thought about how to get rid of my Tree Of Doom. I thought about it for exactly 11.43 minutes. It took a while to come up with a plan. But I had a good plan, a really really good plan. I would get an industrial bin delivered to my yard and I would fill it up with my Tree Of Doom.
I went on the internet and booked a bin. Except I had no idea how big of a bin I would actually need. I ordered a 3 cubic metre bin, I thought that would be heaps big enough. When it got delivered I realised that I was wrong....
I should have ordered a bigger bin, there was no way that all of my Tree Of Doom was going to fit into that!
Except it did.... with the help of some friends...
In exactly 1.19 hours my Tree Of Doom was solidly packed into that bin. I was super duper happy. So happy that I bought my friends a box of beer.... each.
And of course... Brown Dog helped too!
And that's the end of my Tree Of Doom... Gone
Trees are pretty
Trees provide shade on hot summer days
Trees add oxygen to the atmosphere
Trees come in all sorts of shapes and sizes
Trees have flowers
Trees attract birds
Here's some not so great things about trees:
Trees get big, and when they get to big they fall.... on my house
This is what happened
I had a beautiful big tree in my yard. I actually have many beautiful big trees in my yard, but this one was my favourite. It was so big and beautiful that it was taller than my two storey house and it always had lots of birds in it. I would look out of my lounge room windows and all I would see was tree and birds. It was great, really great. It gave me privacy from my neighbours, who are also really great.
You may recall that Brisbane got lots and lots and lots of rain this wet season. Quite often my suburb got the most rainfall. I know this because I read it in the paper. When lots and lots and lots of rain falls it makes the trees and ground very wet. When trees get really wet they get top heavy and when trees get top heavy they snap. Just like this...
I woke up one morning in early January and as I looked out my lounge room window I noticed that something was a whole bunch different. I wasn't looking at my big beautiful tree, instead I was looking at my neighbours blue roof. I realised that something was not quite right.
My tree had fallen... onto my house. Thankfully it only fell onto the stairs and not through the windows, that would have been bad, really really bad. But now I had a Tree Of Doom to deal with....
I got out my bow saw and started cutting it away. I sawed and sawed and sawed and sawed. Then I sawed some more. It was hard, but after many hours I had sawed as much as I could. This is what it looked like...
Then I realised that I had a problem. My bow saw wasn't going to work on the trunk. I was going to need a chainsaw, I don't have a chainsaw. Problem. But it wasn't a problem for very long, because my neighbour has a chainsaw and he came over and cut down my Tree Of Doom for me. My neighbour is great, really really great...
I was really quite delighted that my Tree Of Doom was now gone. Except it wasn't really.... I realised I had another problem. I now had a big beautiful tree in my front yard and I had to get rid of it somehow. Trees don't just get rid of themselves.
At this stage I was stuck at home for a week. Because Brisbane was flooding and my work flooded and I couldn't do anything about it. So I thought about how to get rid of my Tree Of Doom. I thought about it for exactly 11.43 minutes. It took a while to come up with a plan. But I had a good plan, a really really good plan. I would get an industrial bin delivered to my yard and I would fill it up with my Tree Of Doom.
I went on the internet and booked a bin. Except I had no idea how big of a bin I would actually need. I ordered a 3 cubic metre bin, I thought that would be heaps big enough. When it got delivered I realised that I was wrong....
I should have ordered a bigger bin, there was no way that all of my Tree Of Doom was going to fit into that!
Except it did.... with the help of some friends...
In exactly 1.19 hours my Tree Of Doom was solidly packed into that bin. I was super duper happy. So happy that I bought my friends a box of beer.... each.
And of course... Brown Dog helped too!
And that's the end of my Tree Of Doom... Gone
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Mother Nature - January/February 2011
We've been away for a while. Actually Brown and Orange and I haven't gone anywhere, we've just been away from here. I would apologise, except to apologise means I've done something wrong. I've done nothing wrong, it's Mother Nature who has gone wrong, really really wrong.
You may recall that Brown and Orange and I live in Brisbane, Queensland Australia. Brisbane is the greatest city in the world.... except when it isn't.
Here's some great things about Brisbane:
Brisbane has lots of parks
Brisbane has a sub-tropical climate
Brisbane is a pretty city at night time
Brisbane has lots of bridges
Brisbane is big enough to have lots of things to do, but small enough to not be crazy scary
Brisbane has some great pubs
Brisbane is full of friendly happy people
Brisbane is built on a great river that snakes through the suburbs
Brisbane is close to the best beaches in the world
Brisbane is close to the hinterland hills
Brisbane really is great
Here's some not so great things about Brisbane:
Brisbane has a sub-tropical climate
Brisbane is built on a great river that snakes through the suburbs
Brisbane does flood, in a massive way
Unless you've been living in a cave for the past 3 months, you would have heard that Brisbane flooded. It wasn't a flood like when your washing machine fails and it spills water onto your floor and you have to mop it up. It was a flood of mammoth proportions. It was scary, very scary.
My work store room was flooded. Thankfully we had 5 hours and everyone on board to get 25 pallets of books and other electrical equipment, using only one lift (elevator) up to higher ground.
That day it was pouring with rain. That's wrong, it wasn't only pouring, it was bucketing down, it was so bad that when I left home I wore my rubber boots to work. I'm glad I did. By lunch time everyone was worn out, we all made a decision to close up and go home. At the same time all of Brisbane decided to do the same thing..... mass evacuation of the city! Crazy scary!
It was weird.... it happened on a Tuesday. Initially I was told that we would not be back to work until Friday. Then I got a message that it was going to be Monday, then I got a message that it would be Wednesday....
I felt very detached and depressed.... I woke up on the next day and it was a beautiful day, hadn't seen the sun for weeks due to rain for weeks and weeks before. And at the same time my beautiful city was flooding. The river devastated the masses. Yet all I could do was watch it on the tv because everyone was meant to stay off the roads.
I signed up to volunteer with the cleanup, but at the same time I had a tree of doom to sort out, a tree that had fallen in my yard and onto part of my house.
And then cyclone Yasi happened.... it was a cyclone of mammoth proportions in northern Queensland, it was scary, very scary. I have friends who lived though it and have heard and read the stories.
I do love living in Brisbane, it has been an eventful start to the year... now that it's April the weather is behaving and I'm looking forward to a nice calm winter with little dramas.... hopefully!
You may recall that Brown and Orange and I live in Brisbane, Queensland Australia. Brisbane is the greatest city in the world.... except when it isn't.
Here's some great things about Brisbane:
Brisbane has lots of parks
Brisbane has a sub-tropical climate
Brisbane is a pretty city at night time
Brisbane has lots of bridges
Brisbane is big enough to have lots of things to do, but small enough to not be crazy scary
Brisbane has some great pubs
Brisbane is full of friendly happy people
Brisbane is built on a great river that snakes through the suburbs
Brisbane is close to the best beaches in the world
Brisbane is close to the hinterland hills
Brisbane really is great
Here's some not so great things about Brisbane:
Brisbane has a sub-tropical climate
Brisbane is built on a great river that snakes through the suburbs
Brisbane does flood, in a massive way
Unless you've been living in a cave for the past 3 months, you would have heard that Brisbane flooded. It wasn't a flood like when your washing machine fails and it spills water onto your floor and you have to mop it up. It was a flood of mammoth proportions. It was scary, very scary.
My work store room was flooded. Thankfully we had 5 hours and everyone on board to get 25 pallets of books and other electrical equipment, using only one lift (elevator) up to higher ground.
That day it was pouring with rain. That's wrong, it wasn't only pouring, it was bucketing down, it was so bad that when I left home I wore my rubber boots to work. I'm glad I did. By lunch time everyone was worn out, we all made a decision to close up and go home. At the same time all of Brisbane decided to do the same thing..... mass evacuation of the city! Crazy scary!
It was weird.... it happened on a Tuesday. Initially I was told that we would not be back to work until Friday. Then I got a message that it was going to be Monday, then I got a message that it would be Wednesday....
I felt very detached and depressed.... I woke up on the next day and it was a beautiful day, hadn't seen the sun for weeks due to rain for weeks and weeks before. And at the same time my beautiful city was flooding. The river devastated the masses. Yet all I could do was watch it on the tv because everyone was meant to stay off the roads.
I signed up to volunteer with the cleanup, but at the same time I had a tree of doom to sort out, a tree that had fallen in my yard and onto part of my house.
And then cyclone Yasi happened.... it was a cyclone of mammoth proportions in northern Queensland, it was scary, very scary. I have friends who lived though it and have heard and read the stories.
I do love living in Brisbane, it has been an eventful start to the year... now that it's April the weather is behaving and I'm looking forward to a nice calm winter with little dramas.... hopefully!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
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